I Got Over You...

induced tuesday

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 05:41:23 GMT

I'm going to be induced tuesday...it's finally almost over!!
WIsh I had the complete moral support from my boyfriend though.
I'll be writing more when I get the chance.

I'm having a .... !!!

Mon, 05 May 2008 21:03:53 GMT

I had my ultrasound today to find out the sex of the baby and it's a BOY! Yay! We're so excited! I can't wait to start to buy everything now. I'm so happy!

hating the world...small hiatus...

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:33:49 GMT

I really don't know what's been wrong with me lately. Everything is just pissing me off or making me cry. It's partly my hormones but something else has been really bothering me. For the last month it just seems like all me and mike do is argue or fight. I hate going to bed mad and that's all we've been doing. I'm seriously just taking up permanent residence on the couch till the baby is born. Maybe this isn't what I thought it would be. I love Mike to death and he really is my best friend but I don't know if this is what it really is all its cracked up to be or if we're just playing house. I mean reality isn't going to wait around on us.

Part of me thinks my ex is right when he said that we wouldn't make it too April. We made it but getting through this is probably one of the hardest things ever. I just can't talk to Mike and be all emotional because I've never been able to do that with anyone. I can't tell him I get depressed all the fucking time or that I really just need alone time when all he does is work and gets two days off. I want to see him when he gets home or when he's off but things are just pissing me off or making so upset that I'll go to our room and just cry for 10 minutes and pretend it never happened when I come back down stairs.

It doesn't help either that I'm just tired and done with everything all the time. Like I want to do stuff but my energy is dropping again and I just want a break to sleep. I still wake up early but the nights that Mike works I usually wait up for him cause we don't get to see each other that much anymore. Stress is just really high up there: Mike, My mom and brother moving, Dad, grandparents. It's like my family is just getting to me more and more and I just want to get the fuck away...move far away and do this on my own. That's not going to happen. Nor is me walking away from my family.

I'm just going to take a short break. Sorry I haven't commented very much. I'm just out of it really. I'll be back in a week or two maybe three but I'll come back in a few and be ready to post.

Picked a girls name!

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 21:55:09 GMT

Mike and I finally picked out a girls name. Mackenzie Brooklyn. I know that I have like 22 weeks ... 21 weeks left still but I really like knowing the name now. Probably the author in me coming out. But yeah it's good. I love the name and so does he. We told his parents and they liked it as Brooklyn Mackenzie which I could totally see too. I know that I'll get the opinions from all of the my family.

IPOD Found!

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 03:11:52 GMT

After a year of searching...in ALL THE WRONG PLACES...I've found my IPOD.

And now I have to erase...upload...and Redo it...

Paint Colors, Baby Names, and Work

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 23:16:15 GMT

Mike and I went to Lowes a few days ago to pick out paint samples for our room. We're partitioning it off so the baby will have his or her own space. So we picked some neutrals (my choice...I want an accent wall for the baby) and blues and pinks and greens and yellows and purples....everything but red and orange basically. We even had a gray color...

Anyway it's like we're no more closer to picking out wall colors then we are about picking out a girls name. Decisons that I know we have a few months to decide on but time has really gone by fast for me and I really want to get moving on somethings. We decided on which way we're going to have the boys name if its a boy: Mason Alexander. We liked Alexander Mason but the flow for me just works better with the way we chose. I'm not telling anyone which way we picked. I want some surprise for them. I just wish we had a girls name.

Some Girls Names:
Casey or Kasey*** (I like it spelled with a "K")
Alyssa
Isabella
Chloe
Alaina or Laina
Makayla
Sadie***
Angelina (Might be the middle name ... great great dedicated to my aunt)
Mackenzie***
Adrianna

It's so hard to pick out a name. I really don't know which one I like more and Mike is no help either. Any comments on the names?

I worked today for the first time in forever. My mom's job was short staffed and since they pay under the table I work when ever they need me. So it was two of us for a party of 25-40 people. Not bad. I actually got to meet some council people for the ward. I got tipped any came home after four hours of work. It was nice cause I made more in four hours then I would have made at my other job (had i still worked there). Not to mention I found out the buser/cook is in LOVE with my cousin. I couldn't help but laugh. He's three years older then her but they're just friends from living in the neighborhood. It's cute.

Mike is working all night tonight so I'm planning on working on my story I've been putting off for some time now. I might post some later for input. And the best part? It's been raining on and off all day. I LOVE IT!

Doctors Appointment and stuff

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:35:08 GMT

I went to my doctors appointment on Monday. We heard the heartbeat again except this time the baby was kicking a lot. Mike was so happy that the baby was active. He's like it has to be a future soccer player. I just laughed. The doctors there still won't treat me for the BV and it's getting on my nerves slightly. They said they didn't want to put me on more medicine (which I understand to a point) but BV is known to cause early miscarriages and early delivery..so slightly scared on that level.

Nothing is really going on right now ... bored really. I haven't had anything really to write about. I should have more to this weekend.

Baby Kick?

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 01:56:11 GMT

Last night I was laying in bed talking to Mike and I swear I felt the baby kick inside of me. I'm 16w5d and I read its possible to feel the baby kick but I swear on my life it wasn't a gas bubble. Mike was so excited ... except for the fact that he couldn't feel it. I haven't felt the baby kick again but I swear it was the baby and not just a random gas bubble ... I know what those feel like and THAT wasn't one of them.

I'm babysitting all tomorrow and then I'm dropping Mike off at work at 3 and picking him up around 1130 or 12 ... ugh I hate working with one car.

Just my luck...

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 22:45:26 GMT

April Fools Day was a FLOP! Mike never has today off. NEVER. He usually works Tuesdays and we had planned to scare him when he came home from work today.

NOPE!

They fucked his schedule up and he worked yesterday instead. I guess I'll have to get him next year ... or just randomly *Evil Laugh*

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:53:34 GMT

I was wondering if anyone knew of any good icon makers out there. I really want to make an icon with a quote from my boyfriend and I can't seem to find someone who takes requests per say. If someone is willing to do it could you let me know? This would mean the world to me. TIA!!

My friend called me the other day and I really think that I need to get going on buying her a baby shower gift. I want to get her this baby shirt from cafepress.com but I just used the last of my money for my "MIL" gift (Mike and I came to an agreement today that instead of saying "My boyfriend's Mom or My girlfriend's Brother" we're just pretending we're married and using MIL, FIL, BIL, and SIL). Maybe I could get him to help me out cause I have to talk to him about school payments too... :(

Wiener Dog and Lab

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 21:37:14 GMT

Here are some pictures of the dogs. I still have to get some shoots of my growing tummy and of Abby the baby wiener dog.

Mickey the male wiener dog. He's 8 years old (I was under the assumption he was 9)

Sammy with the ball in her mouth. She's still a puppy and acts just like Mike some times...

April Fools and Other

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 02:06:55 GMT

So for April's Fools Day Mike's parents and I have decided that we want to get him good. He thinks he's king shit but well when you have the fear of your closet and you're mr. macho man you tend to get picked on by those who love you.

Items
Blowup Man
Werewolf Mask
Tighty Whitey Underwear
Leather Jacket
String
Voice Dubbed Soundtrack

Plan
When Mike goes to work on May 31st his parents are and me are going to rig the blowup doll complete in his tighty whiteys (he was forced to wear them because he had a medical problem with his "boys" as he put it), leather jacket, and werewolf mask. They're going to attch string to it and the hole that has the cable line running through his closet to their room will also hold the strings to make the monster move. We found scary voice sounds and put them on a CD. We're going to hide a video camera in some of the baby stuff that we have in the room and once he runs out the door I'll be recording from either the hall or his sister's room. When his stepdad hears him screaming he's going to run out with his gun (locked and unloaded) and act like Mike is really screaming about something. Then as I'm cracking up his mom is going to send the weiner dogs and the lab out for more effect. My job in all of this is to get him up to the room and make sure he doesn't laugh because I can't act to save my life.

Outcome
I'm pretty sure we'll get a kick out of it. Mike on the other hand might just sleep on the couch for the next few months. He really has a fear of his closet and while I know I shouldn't exploit it, I am. He'll get over it and just try and get us back just as bad and I'm sure he'll get his sister involved...yeah that's just scary on its own.

--

We went for a walk today. It was an hour and a half. My legs are cramping slightly. I loved it though. Sammi was all over the place when she was walking with us. We didn't take the weiner dogs cause it's still cold outside and their little paws would freeze. We walked around the metro park by us and it was so relaxing.

Mike's mom is getting Mike and me free tickets to see Rod Stewart at Blossom. I LOVE HIM! I know he's older but he really does have some great love songs...I'm a sap when it comes to that. So I told my mom just to make her jealous cause the tickets are over a hundred dollars just for grass seats and I think we have pavillion seats. So I called her and she was like are you going to take me and I was like No, me and Mike are going. Mind you I'll be in the middle of my 9th month. She was so jealous and if I had the money I would get her one to come with us but Mike's mom is getting us these tickets through the Cleve. Clinic so I really don't think it would be appropriate to take her.

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:11:07 GMT

I had to buy new clothes for Easter and I guess I had grown more in my waist then I thought because I had to buy a maternity shirt and pants. I love the clothes though. I got some shirts from the regular section too cause I know they'll expand more as I do. And the new bra I got... OH MY GAWD! I am in love with it. It is so comfortable!!! I really was wearing the wrong size bra. And my flat shoes are so CUTE!

Easter went good. Went to my Nanie's house in the morning after church (which by the way I think someone died while mass was going on...they covered her up once the paramedics left the church). We had this AMAZING brunch...I live for this every year cause they go all out. It was make your mouth water to the point of drooling good. Then after that we started to watch home videos from the mid-90s. The hair...the clothes...what were we thinking? It was hilarious cause Mike got to see what I looked like when I was younger. He was dying. After that we had to leave cause he had to work and I went back to his house where his parents cooked dinner (I think I have a food obsession now) and I got to take a nap. I had only slept four hours the night before.

I got the number finally to my mom's old OB/GYN and I'm going to call them this week because I really feel like I should be with a real doctor instead of a free woman's clinic (I really like the atmosphere there I just prefer to have a one-on-one connection with the person that is going to deliver my baby. You know?

Well I'm off to go eat lunch with Mike once the laundry is dried and he's done playing his video game...

Mom Issues/Easter Season

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 04:20:28 GMT

I finally made the decision to not to move back in with my mom. So I had to tell her because she had been waiting for my decision and I knew how the scenario was going to happy and lo and behold it did...to a tee. I love my mom and I want her to be a part of the baby's life. However, she has has this control issue over me (or so EVERYONE says...which I'm starting to see) and I know that if I were to move back in with her, she would take over being the mom and I wouldn't get to experience what she already had.

When I made the phone call I made sure it wouldn't last long. She answered and we talked about Easter plans for Sunday. Then I told her I made a decision about whether I would move back in with her or not. She got this excited sound in her voice and she truly thought I was going to move back in with her. I can honestly say that I did think about moving back in with her but I knew it would be best if I didn't. So when I told her that I would be living with Mike she was CRUSHED. She started to tear up cause her voice changed. And the conversation ended. I told her I loved her and we hung up.

I couldn't help but cry. I knew that the conversation would be the way it was. I felt guilty. I made her sad and I knew that she wasn't happy with my decision. A part of me would like to move back in with her. She's my mom and I'm only 20 years old but I want...need to do this on my own. My dad supports me. My dad's parents support me. My mom's parents are iffy. But when it comes to whether I have to pay rent for a bigger place with my mom and brother or no rent with Mike's parents, it's a no brainer. I just wish that I wouldn't be so upset over this.

This is why I use to smoke...to keep my stress down due to mother dearest.

Anyway Easter plans are still in place. Mike and I are going to my Nanie's house for brunch. Then he has to work at 3 and I'm going to have dinner with his parents and sister...if she isn't with her asshole of a boyfriend.

Did I mention she has bruises on her neck now? They resemble someone grabbing her neck, thumb on one side and four fingers on the other side. "Hickeys" . She claims that's all they are. The jury is still out but all I know is that her mom and stepdad are sick of her antics. They're concerned for her because I guess this isn't the first time she was in a relationship like this. For god's sake he is a convicted felon...for assault with a weapon. He uses major drugs. Oh and his father is going to kick him out soon. Her parent's don't want him here and Mike is ready to kill the guy if he comes here.

Drama = HELL

I need a vacation away from EVERYONE!

But on a much happier note I had a blast with my brother yesterday. We went to the library after he got out of tutoring and then we got a snack. Then we went back to mom's house and played some games and watched movies. We ordered Chinese and pigged out and watched RV. Mom came home and I left to come back here. I'm glad I got to spend that time with my brother. He really is awesome when it comes down to it even if he is 7 years younger then me :P .

Edit: I saw Blood Diamond for the first time tonight and that is an AMAZING movie. I love movies when the plot is based off true stories.

Brother/Sister bonding

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:11:13 GMT

I get to watch my brother tonight. I haven't spent a lot of time with him since I moved out. I know he misses me but with the fights between my mom I don't think I could move back. I would move back for him but right now I know that it's not in the question. So I'm watching him tonight. I'm picking him up from tutoring and then we're going to order Chinese. In the end we'll probably play guitar hero and I'll pass out on the couch after he goes to bed and wake up when mom gets home. Then I'll leave.

It's just nice to spend some time with him though. He's seven years younger but he's already taller then me. I love him so much! Okay I have to leave soon to pick him up.

Oh and if anyone knows anything about BV would you let me know. I was diagnosed with it and they said I was too soon to be treated with it. I'm 14 weeks and from what I read about it you would think they would treat it now since I'm pregnant. I was just wondering.

Thanks.

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:22:57 GMT

Why are men so hard to wake up in the morning? Mike and I have a ton of stuff to do today and its like he doesn't even care. He came home early and we went to bed at 12. It's almost 11:30. I'd LOVE to sleep in. I really would but I really just think that it's bullshit that we have to go and get clothes for Easter cause we have to go to church and then to my Nannie's house and he's just sleeping. Not only that but I have to go to the college for somethings and it's right by the mall (which is so convenient when you hate cafeteria food). So why would I back track to get him?

MEN ARE IMPOSSIBLE!!

Okay my rant is done. I just gotta figure out if I want to pour water on him to wake him up or have the dogs go after him...they would turn on me though and go to sleep with him...traitors.

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:08:30 GMT

Everyone has things they blog about.
And, Everyone has things they don't blog about.

Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, favorite type of underwear etc. Repost this challenge in your own blog if you want to!

(stolen from dreams2_reality)

Heartbeat

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 16:51:40 GMT

Yesterday I had my doctor's appointment. We got to hear the heartbeat. I swear I almost cried. Mike almost cried. My mom wanted me to call her when or if we heard it. So when I tried to call her we lost the heartbeat and when I hung up with her we found it again. So I called her back and she got to hear it. They said it was 156 beats per minutes. I'm so excited!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:27:27 GMT

Never Take Friendship Personal

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:01:21 GMT

You would think someone would take the hint when you told them you don't need them looking out for you anymore. I don't need the constant calls or text messages asking if I'm still alive when you should just be concerned with yourself. Seriously. I'm not the one with the coke problem. I'm pregnant not dying. I've tried to support her getting help and she was "clean" for three months but I'm not stupid. I know she was still using. Her best friend was still doing it and she has no will power when it comes to saying no to her. So I told her that I basically didn't want her in my life right now. And I don't know if that was wrong but her drama is over taking mine and I don't know if I could handle it all right now.

And Mike's sister is driving me crazy. She's dating this loser of a guy who is completely using her. And all she does is complain about it. Why does she come to me? Because her mom, stepdad, and brother are completely sick of the bullshit. I must be the type of person to attract other people's drama.

GAH! I just wanna be drama free!

Back to School

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 23:03:15 GMT

I'm going back to college this summer. I really want to have a career and there is no reason why I can't have one even though I'm having a child. I really want to become a LPN at first and then once I get into a hospital (The Clinic hopefully) they'll pay for the rest of my college to become an RN. My boyfriend is going to get his GED and my mom's ex said that he would get him into where he worked so Mike could make more money and I could go to college (without working). His parents said that we could stay here longer if that is what we or I wanted to do. The program, however, is on a two year wait. So I'm going to take my basic classes at the community college.

My writing is really coming along. I've started to actually develop a story I really like. It's weird. I never thought I would be a fantasy writer unless it was in the few fanfic stories I wrote. I actually like making up my own universe and creating people to go along with it. My mojo is here. Austin Powers has nothing on me!

Hello Nail Lady

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:45:26 GMT

So I got my nails done today. It's the first time I've actually treated myself in months. I worked all day and now I just get to sit down and relax. I really need to get a perminat job. I don't like just working when my mom's boss needs me for a funeral lunch...once every three or four weeks. I do like the money though. I made over 100 dollars. I was the only server for 50 people. So I put money aside for me and my bills. Which hopefully I get my income tax money soon (crosses fingers).

My four year old cousin called my phone today. It was so cute. She was looking for my boyfriend (which even though that annoyed me I couldn't help but laugh). She asked if Mike could come over and read to her some more. Unfortunetely Mike had to work tonight. I told him when I got home and he almost melted. They formed a connection that I couldn't see coming. It's so cute. I mean I use to be her favorite and now all I hear is "Mike Mike Mike". But seeing as she's only four I don't see any reason to be scared of her not loving me any more.

Ramblings

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:33:04 GMT

There was a time in my life when I thought I knew everything. (Mind you it was a year ago when I thought this.) I thought that everything would stay on track. I would stay in college. My boyfriend at the time would be safe when he went to boot camp a few months later and my friends and I would reconnect over the summer. I didn't think that I would fall in love with someone else or that I would be pregnant and waiting to go back to college. I didn't think I would be feeling half the things I did. I wouldn't know where to begin. I know its partly my hormones but still a part of me is still not whole.

I'm excited beyond belief to have this baby. I wish people would stop telling me the horror stories about labor and such. I seriously want a c-section because of the things I've heard. Then comes the problem with the living situation. My boyfriend wants me to live with him and his family (which they're awesome) but a part of me wants to move back in with my mom cause I want her to help me and be with me and guide me. The fights are always going to be there with us but we close up until a year ago. Maybe I just need to be home to figure this all out?

And the job search continues. I hate sitting at home with NOTHING to do. Seriously. I need to work more then ever to save up for the baby and college next year. It's community college but I still don't have the money to take as many classes as possible. But I have my second interview today so HOPEFULLY I get this serving job. Cross my fingers.

And why the fuck did it have to rain FREEZING RAIN and then SNOW? I really HATE Ohio weather...

First Entry

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 21:55:52 GMT

What do you say when you just start something off and all you want to do is just get it over with? I couldn't tell you nor would I want to. I wouldn't want to because this would be the first time for me as well. So just go with the flow. I am.

And now I'm rambling...

Great...

Later.